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In the first few months after having a baby, your body will go through numerous changes. These changes are month physical and mental as your body slowly reverts back to the way it was before you got pregnant. You’ll find yourself wondering how you can go back to the “old you”.
During this time of change, it is very common to feel unlike yourself when you’re postpartum and that is completely normal. Literally, one day you’re not a mom, and the next day you are. It’s difficult to navigate such a sudden change and maintain your sense of self during the process.
With me, I felt the need to be “Super Mom” and was on the verge of a burnout. I was constantly anxious and lost hours of sleep. I felt like I wasn’t a good enough wife and mother. It affected my overall well-being. At times, it can feel like you only exist to tend to your baby’s needs and because you love your baby so much, it’s really easy to forget to care for yourself!
Whether you’re two or eight months postpartum, I hope that these tips will help you find yourself again after having a baby and also help you become the best mom your little one. They definitely helped me.
This post is all about tips on how to find yourself again while postpartum.
Common postpartum medical conditions
There are different medical conditions that many mothers suffer from during postpartum. It’s important to assess whether you think you have any and bring up any concerns with your doctor.
“Baby Blues” – If you have the Baby Blues, you may experience mood swings often. One second you’re happy and feel great, and the next minute you’re crying because you feel like an inadequate mother. You may also feel very exhausted, overwhelmed, and easily irritable.
Postpartum Depression – The main differences between postpartum depression and the Baby Blues are the feelings of hopelessness and not being able to bond with your baby. With the Baby Blues, you feel like overall, you’re staying afloat and may have a few bad days here and there. With postpartum depression, you probably feel like you’re drowning and can’t take care of your baby.
Postpartum Anxiety – With postpartum anxiety, you constantly feel worried about something happening to the baby. You may have racing thoughts, heart palpitations, and loss of sleep. When taking care of a newborn, you will wake up during the night to feed, but if you have anxiety you may find yourself waking up even when the baby is sleeping.
Helpful tips on how to find yourself again during postpartum
This section lists many tips on how you can make sure you don’t lose yourself while taking care of your baby.
Accept help
When you become a first-time mom, you may feel the need to “do it all” but I’m here to tell you that path often ends in exhaustion or a mental breakdown. Having a baby is hard, and while you’re going through postpartum and dealing with your changing hormones, you have to accept help where you can.
It takes a village to raise a child, so embrace it! Whether you’re a working mom, stay-at home mom, or a stay-at-home working mom, having help is one of the best ways to find a few minutes to take care of your basic needs. In turn, those few minutes a day can help you find yourself again.
Key areas to accept help in
Food
If there’s one thing I felt we didn’t have time do to with a newborn it was cooking! It’s tough getting adjusted in those early days and having someone bring food or come over and cook is a huge help. If you don’t have family or close friends around, meal prepping before birth and buying ready-made meals will save you so much time and energy.
Chores
Even with a baby, the chores still need to get done. It may seem like the dishes keep piling up with bottles and the laundry is never ending. You will be amazed at the number of people who are always willing to help out! My husband did most of the chores, so I could focus on our daughter and that worked great for us.
Feeding the baby
Whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle feeding, it’s important to have your partner help out. Newborns have to eat every 1-3 hours and if you’re doing 100% of the feeds, it can get very exhausting. I know that they say breastfeeding moms shouldn’t “skip” feeds but 1 or 2 a day will not hurt your supply. You can pump instead and get some rest mama. Your sanity maters.
Get sleep
I know this may seem impossible and funny that I even mention it, but sleep is incredibly important for your well-being and mental health. I was recently sleep deprived and I literally came down with a fever, my body was aching, I had a non-stop headache, and I felt like I was coming down with a cold.
Lack of sleep leads to stress, which has both mental and physical side effects. Your breastmilk supply is even at stake. When you’re trying to find yourself again, one of the best steps you can take to achieve that is to get some sleep and give your brain and body some time to recharge.
How to get sleep as first-time mom
When you’re trying to adjust to life as a mom, sleeping is probably not too high on your list of priorities but you have to make it a priority. One thing to note with a newborn is that they’re typically very sleepy unless they are colicky or have other underlying health conditions.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
When I first gave birth I remember being so annoyed hearing this. I’m like are you kidding me? With all the stuff that needs to get done in and outside of the house? But it’s so true. Especially in those first couple months, try to sleep when the baby sleeps and save the chores for another day. Like I mentioned in my last point, have a friend or family member help with food, or your partner.
Have your partner help with feedings
In those first few weeks and months, breastfeeding moms are the sole providers of food for the baby and it can be tough. I loved breastfeeding and I still found it exhausting at times. I remember reading on the internet that if I ever skipped feeds my supply would drop and was very apprehensive about having my husband bottle feed.
But eventually I decided it was best to take breaks and my supply was fine. I pumped milk using a Haaka or my breast pump I received through insurance, and let my husband bottle feed once or twice a day. It was extremely helpful and I was able to get more sleep.
Give the baby monitor to your partner at night
This idea worked great for us because I was having a little bit of postpartum anxiety. Even when the baby would coo, I’d wake up with my heart racing and not be able to go back to sleep. My husband took over and put the baby monitor on his side of the bed. I slept more soundly and if she was ever hungry at night, he could bottle feed.
Shower and get dressed
Showers are practically seen as a luxury in those first few weeks after giving birth. I know. But I have never heard anyone say “I feel a lot worse now than I did before I had a shower.” Warm showers are calming and refreshing.
Better yet, they’re a great way to have that “me time” you probably haven’t had since you became a mom. That little bit of “me time” will help you find yourself again bit by bit. They say that showers are liquid sleep, and I’m going to have to agree.
Even if you’re not leaving the house, putting on a clean set of pajamas and doing your hair will have you feeling a little more like yourself. It will also help give you a small sense of accomplishment. If your partner has gone back to work or you happen to be alone with the baby, showering and getting dressed is still possible.
I would just feed the baby, put the baby in the Baby Bjorn and hop in the shower. Baby Bjorns are safe to use from birth but there are other products out there that work just as well. If the baby was asleep, I would bring the baby monitor to the bathroom for my own peace of mind.
You can also do a little bit of self-care
Now I know that as a first-time mom, a day at the spa is not happening. But that’s not what I’m talking about!
If you had a vaginal birth, I would highly recommend epsom salt baths. They help relax your muscles and heal the perineal area that may have torn during birth. I’d recommend doing it right after a feed, which is what I did, and then have your partner keep an eye on the baby. It’s so relaxing and it’s nice to not have to do anything for 15 minutes. If you had a c-section, I would ask a healthcare provider about epsom salt baths as well.
Self care can even be just laying down for a few minutes or watching Netflix. Anything that helps you feel like yourself again is important and worth making time for.
Go outside
Have you ever just sat at home for a couple days and just feel crappy? I have! Going outside, getting fresh air and seeing people was something I was always determined to do at least once a day. I know it can seem daunting taking a newborn outside, especially if you live in a bigger city, but you will be so glad you did.
You will feel more energized getting your body moving and increasing blood flow. Going outside can also help combat depression, which many new moms are prone to. Why? Because oxygen helps you feel better, and seeing and interacting with people will also uplift your mood.
When my husband was on paternity leave, we would go on walks with the baby and the dog and often stop for coffee. But when he went back to work and couldn’t go as often, I would put the baby in the stroller and just go. The movement would help her fall asleep too, which was another perk. And as she got older, it was a fun activity to do during the day. Here are some great ideas to help you get outside with the baby:
- Go for a walk
- Leave the house and drive to get a coffee
- Go walking with another mom friend
- Grab a blanket and sit outside with the baby for a bit
Stretch or exercise
If you’ve been medically cleared to do so, exercising is probably the best way you can combat the baby blues and begin to feel more like yourself again. I used to always make excuses, saying I didn’t have time because of the baby, but it’s important to make time even if it’s just for 15 minutes. Your mental health will thank you.
I don’t need to say it but we all know that exercising has numerous benefits, and the natural release of endorphins is one of them. People who exercise regularly tend to be more upbeat and get better sleep at night. It’s not a coincidence.
My mind always feels clearer, it’s easier for me to relax, and I feel so much less anxious. I highly recommend anything that’s low impact like yoga, barre, or pilates. But at the end of the day, you should do whatever you’re most comfortable with. I specifically love yoga because of the many mental benefits and variety (hatha, vinyasa, meditation, etc.).
If you aren’t able to exercise, doing a few stretches once or twice a day is a great way to get your body moving. There are plenty of free apps out there that specialize in guided stretches but I specifically love the Down Dog app.
Lastly I’ll add, if you think that you don’t have the energy to exercise, that’s all the more reason for to do so. Through consistent exercise you will increase your energy. It’s a negative spiral you need to get out of! Exercising doesn’t always have to be something rigorous either, walking is a great form of exercise for new moms.
Leave the house to exercise
Getting out of the house to exercise is a great idea because you’ll have the opportunity to interact with people while also getting that fresh air and me time. Who knows, maybe you’ll run into other first-time moms.
Seek counseling or therapy
Many people are apprehensive about pursuing any type of therapy because there’s a stigma attached to mental health, but there’s nothing wrong with therapy. It’s a healthy option to consider if you’ve spoken to your doctor and have concerns about any postpartum medical conditions.
I did counseling when I started feeling overwhelmed about being a first-time mom and a stay-at-home mom and it helped tremendously. Even when I started getting the hang of things, I kept going because it was great having someone to talk to about that new chapter in my life.
Speaking to a professional will definitely help you become the best mom you can be. And it’s important to remember that you’re never the only one who feels the way you do! Most mothers completely understand.
Drink water and eat well rounded meals
Eating well-rounded meals and drinking enough water are some of the most common ways to begin feeling more like yourself again. You probably won’t have the time to eat 3 square meals a day (if you have, that’s amazing!), but you can ensure that the meals you are eating, are nutritious. Even if you find yourself snacking often, you can also ensure that the snacks are healthy.
When you have a cleaner diet, you tend to feel better. And when you’re drinking enough water, a lot of the toxins in you body will naturally be flushed out, thus making your body feel better. Drinking plenty of water is linked to many benefits I don’t even need to mention so whenever you can, drink up!
The way I drink more water is by having a 32oz water jug. It’s easy to chug water from and I don’t have to fill it as often, which is perfect when you’re taking care of a baby. For meals, my husband and I found it easiest to do one of the meal subscription kits. We didn’t have much time to do grocery shopping and the meal kits were easy to make and priced reasonably.
Find a community of new moms
I’m a huge advocate for forums and online communities for moms. Being a mother can sometimes be isolating and if you’re like me and the first of all your friends to have kids, it can be hard meeting people who are at the same stage of life as you.
Some of the communities are set up like Tinder now where you can literally swipe on local moms in your neighborhood, and make friends that way. Even if you’re not interested in making friends, having that community is comforting. There’s always someone out there with the exact same situation as you.
Some well-known communities are:
Remember to give yourself grace
It may seem like there’s a never-ending amount of information out there on how to properly raise your children. From wake windows, to traditional vs. baby-led weaning, the list goes on. But nobody is a better parent to your baby than YOU! You have the natural instincts every mother has so you have to trust that you’re enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Some days, you’re not going to get everything done that you wanted to get done and that’s okay. Some days you’re going to have doubts about your abilities as a mother and that’s normal. What matters is that you overcome those doubts and learn to set more realistic goals for yourself. Speak positivity into your life everyday and you’ll be amazed at the results.
Giving yourself grace can also mean taking a step back from social media. It’s easy to open Instagram and compare yourself to other moms or compare your baby to other babies. All that does is put you on a downward spiral. A social media cleanse might be exactly what you need to help find your identity again.
Understand that being a mother is part of your identity now
Many mothers feel like they aren’t the same person now than they were before they became a mother. And that’s absolutely true. Becoming a mom changes people and it’s important to remember that identity is not fixed. It’s constantly evolving, so embrace it. Whether you’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, all moms are out here are just trying their best and should be proud.
You’ll be a mom for the rest of your life now so it’s something that’s a part of you. Once you can learn to accept this new you, you’ll be unstoppable.
This post showed you tips on how to find yourself again during postpartum, as a first-time mom.
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Sources
Fields, Lisa. “Postpartum Depression: How It Differs from the ‘Baby Blues.’” WebMD, WebMD, 14 Mar. 2021, https://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/postpartum-depression-baby-blues.
Jondle, Jessica. “Postpartum Anxiety: Symptoms, Treatment, Causes, and More.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 29 Aug. 2019, https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/postpartum-anxiety#symptoms.
